How to Build Love that Lasts

Many people think being in love and making a relationship work is complicated. In the media, from our friends and family members, we are led to believe the message that love it hard work. But, according to research by Schmitz & Schmitz, love doesn’t have to be difficult. In fact, love is easy!

Doctors Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz have been researchers in the field of love and relationships for over twenty years. In their book, Building a Love That Lasts, they challenge the notion of love as a job or chore. Couples can sometimes fall into a trap. They may become over-confident in the strength of their relationship and forget the little things that made their love so great in the first place. They stop doing the small, but meaningful, things that show their partners they care, everyday. According to Schmitz & Schmitz, the little things are the most important, and will ensure a strong relationship that is able to withstand the test of time.

Schmitz & Schmitz offer some examples of the little things that you can do to strengthen your relationship and ensure its success:

  • Remember birthdays and anniversaries.
  • Call if you are going to be late.
  • Say, “I love you”, everyday.
  • Help carry in the groceries.
  • Hug each other. The power of touch is so often underestimated.
  • Be more unselfish. It isn’t just about you.

In therapy, I help couples understand why the little things are important. What is meaningful is different for everybody and people experience love and relationships in different ways. Together, we can determine what little things are most important to you and encourage growth and connectedness in your relationship.

Credit: Schmitz, C. & Schmitz, E. (2008). Building a Love that Lasts: The Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage. San Francisco, CA- Jossey-Bass Publishing.