The brains of men and women work differently. There are clear biological and hormonal distinctions in the way the male and female brain operate in a relationship. Daniel Goleman, in his book, Beyond IQ, Beyond Emotional Intelligence- Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships, discusses the three expressions of a romantic relationship- attachment, desire, and caring. He argues that men and women are attracted to each other, but through different chemical reactions occurring in the brain. When these three expressions of love are aligned, love will flourish. However, in situations where tension exists between them, love may weaken. Goleman offers the following example: if one partner feels insecure about the relationship, the brain system for attachment may lead to feelings of anxiety, inhibiting the other love expressions. The anxiety that exists may create tension in the relationship leading to lower sexual desire.
For couples, it is important to understand how the other operates. Knowing your partners needs can help build empathy and compassion between you. Goleman argues that finding a balance between the needs of each individual and the needs of the couple is crucial to the success of the relationship.
If you are looking to better understand the dynamics of desire, attachment, and caring within your romantic relationship, I can work with you and your partner to begin to uncover how to create balance and encourage your love expressions.
Credit: Goleman, D. (2007). Beyond IQ, Beyond Emotional Intelligence- Social Intelligence: The Revolutionary New Science of Human Relationships. New York, NY- Random House Publishing.